September 7th, 2008 by Admin
This black guy walks into a bar with a beautiful parrot on his shoulder.
“Wow!” says the bartender. “That is really something. Where’d you get it?”
“Africa,” says the parrot.
September 7th, 2008 by Admin
SCENARIO Big black bear walks into a bar in British Columbia, Canada and sits up at the bar.
BLACK BEAR “A beer please, bartender.”
BARTENDER “We don’t serve big, black bears beer in bars!”
BLACK BEAR “Come on. just one.”
BARTENDER “I’ll tell you once more. We don’t serve big, black bears beer in bars!”
BLACK BEAR “If you don’t give me a beer, I’ll go and eat the girl sitting at the end of this bar.”
SCENARIO No beer. Bear eats girl sitting at bar!
BARTENDER “I told you we don’t serve big, black bears beer in bars, especially one on drugs.”
BLACK BEAR “I don’t do drugs!”
BARTENDER “Yes you do, … that was a bar bitch you ate!”
September 7th, 2008 by Admin
Three Vampires walk into a Vampire-bar. The first Vampire says “I’ll have a Blood.”
The second Vampire says “Blood for me too, please.”
The third Vampire says “I’ll have a Plasma.”
So the bartender says “OK, that’l be two Bloods, and a Blood Lite.”
September 7th, 2008 by Admin
A cowboy rode into town and stopped at a saloon for a drink. Unfortunately, the locals always had a habit of picking on strangers, which he was. When he finished his drink, he found his horse had been stolen.
He goes back into the bar, handily flips his gun into the air, catches it above his head without even looking and fires a shot into the ceiling.
“WHICH ONE OF YOU SIDEWINDERS STOLE MY HOSS?” he yelled with surprising forcefulness.
No one answered.
“ALRIGHT, I’M GONNA HAVE ANOTHA BEER, AND IF MY HOSS AIN’T BACK OUTSIDE BY THE TIME I FINISH, I’M GONNA DO WHAT I DUN IN TEXAS! AND I DON’T LIKE TO HAVE TO DO WHAT I DUN IN TEXAS!”
Some of the locals shifted restlessly.
He had another beer, walked outside, and his horse is back! He saddles-up and starts to ride out of town.
The bartender wanders out of the bar and asks, “Say partner, before you go… what happened in Texas?”
The cowboy turned back and said, “I had to walk home.”
September 7th, 2008 by Admin
Pat goes into the bar on a crutch,his arm in a sling and bandages all over his head.
The bartender says: “My God Pat,what the hell happened to you?”
Pat says: “I got in a brouhaha with Riley.”
The bartender says: “But Riley’s just a wee man and you’re full grown. He must of had something in his hand.”
Pat says: “That he did, a shovel.”
The bartender says: “My God man, didn’t you have anything in your hand?”
Pat says: “That I did. The breast of Mrs. Riley. Beautiful thing it was but not much use in a fight.”
September 7th, 2008 by Admin
A stunningly beautiful woman walked into a bar and sat down. She was followed a few minutes later by a man who took a seat at the end of the bar. He immediately noticed the beauty and, since this was his local hangout, figured the bartender would do him a favor. “Jack, here’s a twenty-dollar bill,” whispered the man, leaning over the bar, “slip her some Spanish fly.”
“I don’t have any Spanish fly,” said the bartender, “but a customer gave me some Jewish fly.”
“Jewish fly!” exclaimed the man, “what does THAT do?”
“I don’t know,” answered the bartender. “Why don’t we try it and find out?”
The next time the woman needed a refill, the bartender put the Jewish fly powder in her drink. She finished the drink, and a few minutes later got up and sidled over to the man. She put her arm around his shoulder, put her other hand on his knee, and began to rub the inside of his leg.
“You attract me,” she purred. “I’d like to do something with you tonight.”
“Honey, I’ll do anything you want,” gasped the man.
“Great! Take me shopping at Bloomingdale’s!”