September 7th, 2008 by Admin

A Frenchman, an Italian and an American were discussing love-making.

“Last night I made love to my wife three times” boasted the Frenchman. “She was in sheer ecstasy this morning…”

“Ah, last night I made love to my wife six times,” the Italian responded, “and this morning she made me a wonderful omelette and told me she could never love another man.”

When the American remained silent, the Frenchman smugly asked, “And how many times did you make love to your wife last night?”

“Once.” he replied.

“Only once?” the Italian arrogantly snorted. “And what did she say to you this morning?”

“Don’t stop.”

September 7th, 2008 by Admin

Three proofs Jesus was jewish:

He went into his father’s business.
He lived at home until the age of 33.
He was sure his mother was a virgin, and his mother was sure he was god.

Three proofs Jesus was irish:

He never got married.
He never held a steady job.
His last request was for a drink.

Three proofs Jesus was Puerto Rican:

His first name was Jesus.
He was always in trouble with the law.
His mother did not know who his real father was.

Three proofs Jesus was italian:

He talked with his hands.
He took wine with every meal.
He worked in the building trade.

Three proofs Jesus was black:

He called everybody brother.
He had no permanent address.
Nobody would hire him.

Three proofs Jesus was from California:

He never cut his hair.
He walked around barefoot.
He invented a new religion.

September 7th, 2008 by Admin

There is a beautiful deserted island in the middle of nowhere where the following people are stranded:

2 Italian men and 1 Italian woman

2 French men and 1 French woman

2 German men and 1 German woman

2 Greek men and 1 Greek woman

2 English men and 1 English woman

2 Bulgarian men and 1 Bulgarian woman

2 Swedish men and 1 Swedish woman

2 Irish men and 1 Irish woman

One month later on this beautiful deserted island in the middle of nowhere …

The 1 Italian man killed the other for the Italian woman

The 2 French men and the French woman are living happily together in a menage a trois

The 2 German men have a strict weekly schedule of when they alternate with the German woman

The 2 Greek men are sleeping with each other and the Greek woman is cleaning and cooking for them

The 2 English men are waiting for someone to introduce them to the English woman

The Bulgarian men took one look at the endless ocean, one look at the woman and started swimming.

The two Swedish men are contemplating suicide while the gorgeous woman goes on talking about her body being her own and the true nature of feminism. But at least it’s not snowing and the taxes are low.

The Irish began by setting up a distillery. They don’t remember if sex is in the picture, cause it gets sort of foggy after the first few litres of coconut whiskey.

September 7th, 2008 by Admin

Copied from Houston Chronicle Columnist, Jim Barlow.

Department of Unusual Marketing: Johnson & Johnson has a continuing contract with a number of Web sites devoted to the stock market. When the stock market falls by at least 100 points, banner ads for the company’s headache remedies appear on the sites.

News Releases I Never Got Around to Finishing: “The recent U.S. presidential election left a number of people wondering if their vote really counts. But with GetMusic’s new music video voting tool, Hot or Not, every vote matters. Launching today on GetMusic.com (www.get-music.com) … “

Job Title of the Month: A Build-A-Bear Workshop is a retail chain that allows customers to design their very own stuffed bear. Maxine Clark is Chief Executive Bear.

And speaking of animals, The You’re Probably Not Surprised Award to rapper Snoop Dogg’s new venture, a porn video called Doggystyle. While the Dogg performs in the video, he keeps his clothes on.

Our Say What? Award to this news release:

“Following the introduction of Adobe® After Effects® 5.0, Adobe Systems Incorporated (NASDAQ:ADBE) today announced that it has acquired the plug-in technology from Cycore Cult Effects (TM) and Atomic Power Evolution (TM).

Adobe After Effects 5.0 is the first Adobe software application to incorporate this plug-in technology that is used to create eye-catching visual effects.”

And I had to take math and science classes in college. The Chicago-based Institute for International Education offers a course called Deconstructing Contemporary Irish Urban Landscapes. It consists of visiting Irish pubs.

September 7th, 2008 by Admin

Is O. J. Guilty?Howard I. Know
Animal Illnesses Ann Thrax
French OverpopulationFrancis Crowded
Fallen UnderwearLucy Lastic
Downpour!Wayne Dwops
CloningIma Dubble
Irish FlooringLynn O’Leum
I Lived in DetroitHelen Earth
Inflammation, PleaseArthur Itis
Handel’s MessiahOllie Luyah
House ConstructionBill Jerome Home
UnemployedAnita Job
Off to MarketTobias A. Pigg
Holmes Does it AgainScott Linyard
Home Alone IVEddie Buddyhome
Lewis CarrollAlison Wonderland
Leo TolstoyWarren Peace
The L. A. Lakers BreakfastKareem O’ Wheat
Neither a BorrowerNora Lender Bee
The French ChefSue Flay
Tight SituationLeah Tard
The Scent of a ManJim Nasium
Why Cars StopM. T. Tank
Wind in the WillowsRussell Ingleaves
Look YoungerFay Slift
Mountain ClimbingAndover Hand
It’s Springtime!Theresa Green
No!Kurt Reply
And Shut Up!Sid Downe

September 7th, 2008 by Admin

Q: Why are there no British computers?

A: They haven’t quite figured out how to make them leak oil yet!