September 9th, 2008 by Admin

Q. What do Baghdad and Hiroshima have in common ? A. Nothing, yet.

Q: What does Saddam want for Thanksgiving ?

A: Turkey.

Q: What do Miss Muffet and Saddam Hussein have in common ?

A: They both have Kurds in their Whey.

Q: What do Saddam Hussein and General Custer have in common ?

A: They both want to know where the hell those Tomahawks are coming from !

Q: What is the best Iraqi job ?

A: Foreign Ambassador

Q: How many Iraqis does it take to screw in a light bulb ?

A: None. They can’t turn them on anyway.

Q: How many Americans does it take to screw in a light bulb ?

A: Only one, but he does it from 30 miles away using laser targeting, and at a cost of US $8,000,

000.

Q: “How many members of the coalition does it take to screw in a light bulb?”

A: “We are not prepared to comment on specific numbers at this time.”

Q: Did you hear that it is twice as easy to train Iraqi fighter pilots?

A: You only have to teach them to take off.

Q: How do you play Iraqi bingo ?

A: B-

52…F-

16…A-10

Q: What is Iraq’s national bird ?

A: Duck

Q: What’s the difference between Aeroflot and the Scud Missile ?

A: Aeroflot has killed more people.

Q: How is Saddam like Fred Flintstone ?

A: Both may look out their windows and see Rubble.

Q: Why does the Iraqi Navy have glass bottom boats ?

A: So they can see their Air Force.

Q: Did you hear that Saddam Hussein won the toss ?

A: He elected to receive.

Q: Why do all Iraqi soldiers carry a piece of sandpaper?

A: They need a map….

September 9th, 2008 by Admin

Famous interpretations of “Why did the Chicken cross the road?”

Bill Clinton:

I did not cross the road with THAT chicken. What do you mean by chicken? Could you define chicken, please…

Louis Farrakhan:

The road, you will see, represents the black man.

The chicken crossed the “black man” in order to trample him down!

Colonel Sanders:

I missed one?

L.A Poliece Department:

Give us five minutes with the chicken, and we’ll find out.

Jerry Falwell:

Because the chicken was gay! isn’t it obvious? Can’t you people see the plain truth in front of your face? The chicken was going to the other side. thats what “they” call it: the “other side”. Yes, my friends the chicken is gay. And if you eat that chicken, you will become gay too!

Ronald Regan:

What Chicken?

Saddam Hussein:

This was an unprovoked act of rebellion, and we were quite justified in dropping 50 tons of nerve gas on it!

ROBERT DE NIRO: Are you telling me the chicken crossed that road? Is that what you’re telling me?

Ernest Hemingway: To die. In the rain.

Marting Luther King, Jr.: I envision a world where all chickens, be they black or white or brown or red or speckled, will be free to cross roads without having their motives called into question.

Grandpa: In my day, we didn’t ask why the chicken crossed the road. Someone told us that the chicken crossed the road, and that was good enough for us.

Aristotle: It is the nature of chickens to cross the road.

Karl Marx: It was a historical inevitability.

Captain James T. Kirk: To boldly go where no chicken has gone before.

Fox Mulder: You saw it cross the road with your own eyes. How many more chickens have to cross before you believe it’s true?

Freud: The fact that you are at all concerned that the chicken crossed the road reveals your underlying sexual insecurity. How do you feel about your mother?

Bill Gates: We have just released eChicken 2000, which will not only cross roads, but will lay eggs (only in the proprietary brown_ms.egg format), file your important documents, and balance your chequebook and Internet Explorer is an inextricable part of eChicken.

The CIA: Who told you about the chicken? Did you see the chicken? There was no chicken. Please step into the car, sir.

Einstein: Did the chicken really cross the road or did the road move beneath the chicken.

September 7th, 2008 by Admin

If God was process oriented, the Book of Genesis might read something like this:

In the beginning, God created the heavens and the earth. The earth was without form and void, so God created a small committee. He carefully balanced the committee vis-a-vis race, gender, ethnic origin, and economic status in order to interface pluralism with the holistic concept of self-determination according to adjudicatory guidelines.

Even God was impressed, and so ended the first day.

And God said, “Let the committee draw up a mission statement.” And behold, the committee decided to prioritize and strategize and God called that process empowerment. And God thought it sounded pretty good.

And evening and morning were the second day.

And God said, “Let the committee determine goals and objectives and engage in long-term planning.” Unfortunately, a debate about the semantic differences between goals and objectives pre-empted almost all of the third day. Although the question was never satisfactorily resolved, God thought the process was constructive.

And evening and morning were the third day.

And God said, “Let there be a retreat in which the committee can envision functional organization and engage in planning by objectives.” The committee considered adjustment of priorities and consequential alternatives to program directions, and God saw that this was good. And God thought that it was even worth all of the coffee and donuts that he had to supply.

And so ended the fourth day.

And God said, “Let the committee be implemented with long-range planning and strategy.” The committee considered guidelines and linkages and structural sensitivities, and alternatives and implemental models. And God saw that this was very democratic.

And so would have ended the fifth day, except for the unintentional renewal of the debate about the differences between goals and objectives.

On the sixth day the committee agreed on criteria for adjudicatory assessment and evaluation. This wasn’t the agenda that God had planned. He wasn’t able to attend, however, because he had to take the afternoon off to create day and night and heaven and earth and seas and plants and stars and trees and seasons and years and sun and moon and birds and fish and animals and human beings.

On the seventh day God rested and the committee submitted its recommendations. It turned out that the recommended forms for things were nearly identical to the way that God had created them; so the committee passed a resolution commending God for his implementation according to the guidelines. There was, however, some opinion expressed that people should have been created in the committee’s image.

And God caused a deep sleep to fall upon the committee …

September 7th, 2008 by Admin

1HIT1DER - Ricky Martin
NU CLEVGE - Britney Spears
20K LAID - Wilt Chamberlain
JAILBTCH - Robert Downey, Jr.
HAD MILK - Pamela Anderson Lee
OUTOFST8 - Hillary Rodham Clinton
C MY BRA - Brandi Chastain
IM STR8 - Tom Cruise
K8ODIDIT - O.J. Simpson
PEN IS - John Bobbitt
VOAT4ME - Dan Quayle

September 7th, 2008 by Admin

Saddam called President Clinton and said: “Bill, I called you because I had this incredible dream last night. I could see all of America, and it was beautiful and on top of every building, there was a flag.”

Clinton said:”Saddam, what was on the flag?” Sadam said: “Allah is God, God is Allah”.

Clinton said: “You know, Saddam, I’m really glad you called because last night I had a dream too. I could see all of Baghdad, and it was even more beautiful than before the war; it had been completely rebuilt. And on every building there was a flag.”

Saddam said: “Bill, what were on the flags?”

Clinton replied: “I really don’t know. I can’t read Hebrew!”

September 7th, 2008 by Admin

President Bill Clinton called Chretien with an emergency: “Our largest condom factory has exploded!” the American President cried. “My people’s favorite form of birth control! This is a true disaster!”

“Bill, da Canadian pipple would be ‘appy to do anyt’ing wit’in der power to ‘elp you” replied the Prime Minster. (Yes, he does speak like that)

“I do need your help,” said Clinton. “Could you possibly send 1,000,000 Condoms ASAP to tie us over?”

“Certainment! I get right on it!” said Chretien.

“Oh, and one more small favor, please?” said Clinton.

“Oui?”

“Could the condoms be red, white and blue in colour; at least 10″ long and 4″ in diameter?” said Clinton.

“No problem” replied the Prime Minister and, with that, Cretien hung up and called the President of Trojan.

“I need a favour, you got to make 1,000,000 condoms right away and send dem to Hamerica.”

“Consider it done.” said the President of Trojan

“Great! Now listen, dey hab to be bleu, blanc et rouge in colour; at least 10″ long and 4″ in diameter.”

“Easily done. Anything else?”

“Yah,” said the Prime Minister, “an’ print ‘MADE IN CANADA, MEDIUM’ on each one.”