September 7th, 2008 by Admin

What’s the definition of mixed emotions?
– When you see your mother-in-law backing off a cliff in your new car.

What’s the height of conceit?
– Having an orgasm and calling out your own name.

What’s the definition of macho?
– Jogging home from your own vasectomy

What’s the difference between Michael Jackson and a grocery bag?
– One is made of plastic and is dangerous for children to play with. The other is used to carry groceries.

Why don’t blind people like to sky dive?
– Because it scares the heck out of the dog.

How do you double the value of a Yugo?
– You fill it with gas.

What do the LAPD and the Green Bay Packers have in common?
– Neither of them can stop a Bronco.

Have you heard George Michael’s new song?
– It’s called Zip Me Up Before You Go Go

I walked in a bar the other day and ordered a double.
– The bartender brings out a guy who looks just like me.

What’s the difference between roast beef and pea soup?
– Anyone can roast beef.

What is forty feet long and has eight teeth?
– The front row at a Willie Nelson concert.

What’s the difference between a lawyer and God?
– God doesn’t think he’s a lawyer.

What’s the weather like in Tahoe?
– Gloomy all over and Sonny around one tree.

September 7th, 2008 by Admin

Speculation was mounting last night that Britain may also contribute to the effort by dropping Professor Stephen Hawking into Afghanistan to propagate his non-deistic theory of the creation of the universe.

Other tactics to demonstrate the non-existence of God will include the dropping of leaflets pointing out the fact that Michael Jackson has a new album out and Oprah Winfrey has not died yet. This is only one of several Psy-Ops operations mounted by the Allies to undermine the unswerving religious fanaticism that fuels the Taliban’s fighting spirit.

Pentagon sources have recently confirmed rumours that America has already sent in a 200-foot-tall robot Jesus, which roams the Taliban front lines glowing eerily and shooting flames out of its fingers while saying, “I am the way, the truth and the life, follow me or die.”

However, plans to have the giant Christ kick the crap out of an effeminate 80-foot Mohammed in central Kabul were discarded as insensitive to Muslim allies.

September 7th, 2008 by Admin

Q. What is the difference between Michael Jackson and a grocery bag?

A. One is made of plastic and is dangerous for children to play with. The other is used to carry groceries.

September 7th, 2008 by Admin

You are a child of the 80′S if:

• You know what a “burnout” is.
• You know what “Sike” means.
• You know the profound meaning of “Wax on, Wax off”.
• You know that another name for a keyboard is a “Synthesizer”.
• You wanted to be a Goonie.
• You know who Max Headroom is.
• You ever wore flourescent, neon if you will, clothing.
• You could breakdance, or wish you could.
• You wanted to be The Hulk for Halloween.
• Partying “like it’s 1999″ seemed so far away.
• You wanted to be on StarSearch.
• You can remember what Michael Jackson looked like before his nose fell off.
• You wore a banana clip at some point during your youth, or knew someone who
  did.

• You knew what Willis was “talkin’ ’bout”.
• You had to have your MTV.
• You hold a special place in your heart for “Back to the Future”.
• You thought Molly Ringwald was really cool.
• You actually thought “Dirty Dancing” was a really good movie.
• You heard of Garbage Pail Kids.
• You knew “The Artist” when he was humbly called “Prince”.
• You remember when ATARI was a state of the art video game system.
• You own any cassettes.
• You were led to believe that in the year 2000 we’d all be living on the
  moon.

• You remember and/or own any of the CareBear Glass collection from Pizza Hut.
• Or any other stupid collection they came out with.
• Poltergeist freaked you out.
• You carried your lunch to school in a Gremlins or an E.T. lunchbox.
• You have ever pondered why Smurfette was the only female smurf.
• You know what a Doozer is.
• You wore biker shorts underneath a short skirt and felt stylish, or knew
  someone who did.

• You ever had a Swatch Watch.
• You can name 1/2 the members of Duran Duran.
• You remember when Saturday Night Live was funny.
• You had WonderWoman or Superman underoos.
• You know what a “Whammee” is.
• You had a crush on Jon Bon Jovi, or knew someone who did.

If you can identify with at least half of this list then you are most certainly
a product of the 80’s!

September 7th, 2008 by Admin

What do Alexander the Great and Kermit the Frog have in common? Their middle name.

September 7th, 2008 by Admin

What were Michael Jackson’s baby’s first words?

"Which one’s Mommy?"