July 7th, 2008 by Admin

what do you call a science joke?

STUPID.

July 7th, 2008 by Admin

The last words of a chemist:

13. And now the detonating gas problem.

14. This is a completely save experimental setup.

15. Where did I put my gloves?

July 7th, 2008 by Admin

IT’S OFFICIAL : CHEMISTRY LECTURES ARE A YAWN.
October 9, 1995

A scientist has come up with proof of something students have known for years — chemistry lectures are boring. In an article published in the current issue of Chemistry in Britain, a university chemistry lecturer introduced a guest lecturer to a class of 50 doctoral candidates.

Then, he and his colleagues studied variations in what he calls the HTFDR — “head-to-floor distance reduction.” After about an hour , the average HTFDR dropped from 135cm to 121cm, said the author of the study, who preferred to remain anonymous.

The HTFDR immediately bounced back to normal when the speaker uttered the magic words: “And in conclusion . . .”

July 7th, 2008 by Admin

Top ways to get thrown out of chemistry lab

7. Mutter repeatedly, “Not again… not again… not again.”

6. When it’s very quiet, suddenly cry out, “My eyes!”

5. Deny the existence of chemicals.

July 7th, 2008 by Admin

‘Lectropositive Mama
(tune, Lady Madonna)

‘Letropositive mama,
Cesium on your meat,
Wonder how you manage,
To stay on your feet.

How d’ya stand the smokin’?
How d’ya ‘bide the flame?
Do you think that life’s just
A burnin’ game.

Monday night your hunger’s a blue fire,
Tuesday morn’ you’re cookin’ ‘fore the sun.
Wednesday rain, you’re only flamin’ higher,
Having your fun.

‘Lectropositive mama,
Cinders in your curls,
No way can compare you,
To ordinary girls.

Likin’ the explosions,
Rock you on your seat.
How can any woman handle
All that heat?

—Songs of Cesium #47

July 7th, 2008 by Admin

Chemist’s fast prayer:
Dear Lord, if I mix sodium
with concentrated HNO3,
and add to it Plutonium,
would you take care on me?