September 7th, 2008 by Admin

An overweight blonde
consulted her doctor for advice. The doctor advised that she run 10 miles
a day for 30 days. This, he promised, would help her lose as much as twenty
pounds.
The blonde follows the doctor’s advice, and, after thirty days, she was
pleased to find that she’d indeed lost twenty pounds.
She phoned the doctor and thanked him for the wonderful advice which
produced such effective results. At the end of the conversation, however,
she asked one last question:
"How do I get home, since I am now 300 miles away?"

September 7th, 2008 by Admin

I’m on a seafood
diet…

…when I see food, I eat it.

September 7th, 2008 by Admin

1. If you eat something,
but no one else sees you eat it, it has no calories.
2. If you drink a diet coke whilst eating a chocolate bar, the calories
in the chocolate bar are cancelled by the diet coke.
3. When you eat with someone else, calories don’t count as long as you
don’t eat more than they do.
4. Foods used for medicinal purposes never count. Example: hot chocolate,
brandy, toast, Sara Lee cheesecake
5. If you fatten up everyone else around you, then you look thinner.
6. Movie-related foods do not have calories because they are part of
the entertainment package and not part of one’s personal fuel.
7. Cookie pieces contain no calories. The process of breaking the cookie
causes calorie leakage.
8. Late-night snacks have no calories. The refrigerator light is not
strong enough for the calories to see their way into the calorie counter.
9. If you are in the process of preparing something, food licked off
knives and spoons have no calories. Examples: peanut butter on a knife,
ice cream on a spoon
10. Foods of the same colour have the same number of calories. Examples
are: spinach and pistachio ice cream, mushrooms and white chocolate. Chocolate
is a universal colour and may be substituted for any other.

September 7th, 2008 by Admin

Can it be a mistake
that "STRESSED" is "DESSERTS" spelled backwards ?

September 7th, 2008 by Admin

1. Weigh yourself
fully clothed after dinner and again the next morning without clothes
and before breakfast, because it’s nice to see how much weight you’ve
lost overnight!
2. Never weigh yourself with wet hair.
3. When weighing, remove everything, including eyeglasses. In this case,
blurred vision is an asset. Don’t forget to remove jewellery as it could
weigh as much as a pound!
4. Buy only cheap scales, never the medical kind. Accuracy is the enemy
and high quality scales are very accurate.
5. Always go to the bathroom first.
6. Weigh yourself after a haircut, this is good for up to half a pound
of hair (hopefully).
7. Exhale with all your might BEFORE stepping onto the scale. (Air has
weight, right?)
8. Start out with just one foot on the scale, then holding onto a towel
rod slowly edge your other foot onto the scale while slowly releasing
the towel rod. Admittedly, this takes time, but it’s worth it. You will
weigh at least two pounds less than if you’d stepped onto the scale normally.

September 7th, 2008 by Admin

The Government
has issued new guidelines for a healthy diet. They advise you to:
1. List your ten favourite foods.
2. List your five favourite drinks.
3. List all green vegetables that look like marsh grass, fur balls, or
little trees.
4. List water.
5. Avoid 1 & 2; eat only 3; drink only 4.