December 16th, 2007 by Admin

I read in a Reuters newswire from May 10 that police in Biddeford, Main had arrested a couple of men for driving by and strafing a pedestrian with doughnut holes!

Chris Roy, 19, and Christopher Cote, 20 said they normally just attack street signs and weren’t sure why this time they went for a pedestrian.

“It seems they like to buy (doughnuts) just so they can throw them,” said police Sergeant J.P. Morin.

He wasn’t sure if they were fresh or stale, but said “I suppose a piece of dough thrown from a car would be pretty hard.”

December 16th, 2007 by Admin

A man walks into his doctor and says “Doctor, doctor i have a bit of an embarrising problem.”

The doctor replies, “Okay, lets see it.”

The man pulls down his pants and bends over to reveal a lettuce leaf growing out his backside.

The man asks “Do you think it’s serious?”

The doctor replies, “To tell you the truth it looks like just the tip of the iceberg.”

December 16th, 2007 by Admin

Q: What do you get when 2 hearts fight?

A: A heart attack!

December 16th, 2007 by Admin

Morris was removing some engine valves from a car on the lift when he spotted the famous heart surgeon Dr. Michael DeBakey, who was standing off to the side, waiting for the service manager.

Morris, somewhat of a loud mouth, shouted across the garage, “Hey DeBakey …. Is dat you ? Come over here a minute.”

The famous surgeon, a bit surprised, walked over to where Morris was working on a car.

Morris in a loud voice, all could hear, said argumentatively, “So Mr. fancy doctor, look at this work. I also take valves out, grind ‘em, put in new parts, and when I finish this baby will purr like a kitten. So how come you get the big bucks, when you and me are doing basically the same work?”

DeBakey, very embarrassed, walked away, and said softly, to Morris …”Try doing your work with the engine running.”

December 16th, 2007 by Admin

The staff at a local United Way office realized that it had never received a donation from the town’s most successful lawyer.

The person in charge of contributions called him to persuade him to contribute. “Our research shows that out of a yearly income of at least $500,000, you give not a penny to charity. Wouldn’t you like to give back to the community in some way?”

The lawyer mulled this over for a moment and replied, “First, did your research also show that my mother is dying after a long illness, and has medical bills that are several times her annual income?”

Embarrassed, the United Way representative mumbled, “Um… No.”

“Or,” the lawyer continued, “that my brother, a disabled veteran, is blind and confined to a wheelchair?”

The stricken United Way representative began to stammer out an apology but was interrupted when the lawyer added, “Or that my sister’s husband died in a traffic accident?” the lawyer’s voice rising in indignation, “Leaving her pennyless with three children?”

The humiliated United Way representative, completely beaten, said simply, “I had no idea…”

On a roll, the lawyer cut him off once again, “So if I don’t give any money to them, why should I give any to you?”

December 16th, 2007 by Admin

There was a loser who couldn’t get a date. He went to a bar and asked this one guy how to get a date.

The guy said, “It’s simple. I just say, I’m a lawyer.”

So, the guy went up to a pretty woman and asked her out. After she said no, he told her that it was probably a good thing because he had a case early in the morning. She said, “Oh! You’re a lawyer?”

He said, “Why yes I am!”

She liked the idea and they went to his place. When they were in bed making love, he started to laugh to himself.

When she asked what was so funny, he answered, “Well, I’ve only been a lawyer for 15 minutes, and I’m already screwing someone!”